"Cut the crap, junior, he sez and put the hyperbole on ice.
I concur thus. Sometimes it takes but one record – one cocksure magical statement – to cold-cock all the crapola and all-purpose wheatchaff mix ‘n’ match, to set the whole schmear straight and get the current state of play down down down to stand or fall in one, dignified granite-hard focus.
Such statements, are precious indeed.
Marquee Moon, the first legitimate album release from Manhattan combo Television however, is one: a 24-carat inspired and totally individualist creation which calls the shots on all the glib media pigeon-holing that’s taken place predating its appearance; a work that at once makes a laughing stock of those ignorant clowns, who have filed the band’s work under the cretinous banner of “Punk-rock” or “Velvet Underground off-shoot freneticism” or even (closer to home, maybe, but still way off the bulls-eye) “teeth-grinding psychotic rock” (‘Sister Ray’ and assorted sonic in-laws).
First things first."

Marquee Moon review by Nick Kent (NME Feb 1977)

Just in case you’re interested in reading one of the actual Best Album Review(s) Ever.

Andrew Bird - You Woke Me Up!

This shall be my soundtrack for all the gaps in between my traditional A380 screening of No Country For Old Men tonight/tomorrow. 

Watching 20 or so suburban mums and one lady in a wheelchair rush the stage when Foreigner played Feels Like The First Time at the Palais Theatre, on the scale of transcendent musical moments, wipes the floor with every self-important/actually “important” indie band I was ever forced to suffer through. 

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Born On The Bayou (live)

Straight up one of the most underrated of all the classic rock bands (along with Aerosmith’s back catalogue up to Pump, and Thin Lizzy). 

Side note: look at John’s Timotei bob!

Deee-Lite - What Is Love? (World Clique, 1990)

Feel real sorry for people who don’t know this is Deee-Lite’s best song

These guys are very close to my heart.

British Artists Who Would Have Done A Better Job Of The Olympic Song Than Muse

  • Brotherhood Of Man
  • The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster
  • Kasabian
  • Prodigy
  • Bill Wyman playing Monkey Grip in full
  • Blue
  • the cast of Big Train dressed up as Roxy Music
  • The Cooper Temple Clause
  • Wings
  • Basil Brush
  • Abs from 5ive
  • Sugababes
  • the cast of BBC/Lloyd Webber’s Over The Rainbow with Graham Norton on maracas
  • Steps
  • Clangers
  • The Darkness
  • Chemical Brothers
  • Boris Johnson and a portable karaoke machine

The Top 20 tracks of NME’s lifetime are:

1. Joy Division -Love Will Tear Us Apart

2. Pulp -Common People

3. David Bowie -Heroes

4. The Beach Boys -Good Vibrations

5. New Order -Blue Monday

6. The Stone Roses -She Bangs The Drums

7. The Smiths -There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

8. The Specials -Ghost Town

9. Dizzee Rascal -Fix Up, Look Sharp

10. Oasis -Wonderwall

11. The Rolling Stones -Sympathy For The Devil

12. The Ronettes -Be My Baby

13. Michael Jackson -Billie Jean

14. Sex Pistols -God Save The Queen

15. The Beatles -A Day In The Life

16. The Cure -Boys Don’t Cry

17. Bob Dylan -Like A Rolling Stone

18. The Beach Boys - God Only Knows

19. Madonna -Like A Prayer

20. The Stone Roses - I Am The Resurrection

Hahahahaha FUCK THE NME. Thoughts: 

  • Love Will Tear Us Apart is rubbish. Honestly, what a load of miserablist drivel. 
  • Who forgot that ‘Heroes’ officially has quotation marks in its title?
  • Good Vibrations is rubbish. If you’re going to go for one of Wilson’s sandbox epics, then choose Heroes & Villains. Or, forget their regrettable excursions into limp psychedelia and go for one of the truly great Beach Boys songs: I Get Around, Break Away, Do It Again, Melekelikimaka
  • Was this list written by someone with a Now That’s What I Call The Hits Of England CD?
  •  SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL?! Why does this song continue to be lauded by critics, armchair and otherwise? It’s one of the Rolling Stones’ dullest songs EVER!! Here are a few others that are miles better: I Just Want To See His Face, Waiting On A Friend, Gimme Shelter (DUH), Happy, Tumblin’ Dice, Can’t You Hear Me Knocking, Bitch, fucking Start Me Up for Christ’s sake
  • Beat It is better than Billie Jean
  • EMI is better than God Save The Queen
  • Presumably The Ronettes are in there because of Phil Spector (because Christ knows they’re not there to represent women in music by the looks of the rest of the list), and if you’re going to big up Wall of Sound to prove that, like, you know about production ‘n’ shit, then why the fuck not River Deep, Mountain High
  • A Day In The Life? GROAN. Here, I fixed it for you: Tomorrow Never Knows
  • Basically, this Top 20 is full of bloated experimentalism and “epics”, as though song length and orchestra size/number of overdubs somehow dictates greatness. But Material Girl is a million times better than Like A Prayer, as is Vogue, Express Yourself, Ray Of Light, Music, Hung Up, Cherish
  • Get fucked

Australia’s Top 40 singles from the week of July 21st, 1996

Incidentally when I hear each of these songs, I immediately think of the song that preceded or followed it in the countdown. I had the whole thing taped from rage.

  • two dance versions of TV themes in the top ten!
  • The Naitch debut at #32!
  • two Corrs songs in the Top 30!
  • two Everything But The Girl songs in the Top 40!
  • the Metallica video my Dad used to think was “really scary!”

I don’t have much to add to this as I think the stats speak for themselves as far as proving that there was a time when the charts were stylistically diverse, and providing a source of sweet, sweet nostalgia.

A Universal Truth:

  1. Open iTunes to re-download Wilson Pickett’s Midnight Hour
  2. See that Zapp & Roger’s silly cover is the more “popular” version, according to iTunes
  3. Make slightly snide blog post about it
  4. Remember how much you like the silly cover
  5. Remember how Zapp & Roger’s joyous vocalizer and demented upbeat synth-bass in that cover sounds like a couple of kids playing with their presents on Christmas morning
  6. Feel a bit better about humanity, retrospectively
  7. Purchase the Zapp & Roger cover
  8. Play it non-stop for two hours